Thursday, 4 March 2010

Bloglettes 3: Rise of the Blogage

That's right, it's time for the third edition of Bloglettes. It's been almost exactly a year since my last one. And for the benefit of those of you reading this and wondering "What the hell is a Bloglette?". Whenever I have a few different things I want to talk about, but none of them interesting enough to sustain a whole blog on their own merit I write a post combining them all under the "Bloglettes" title. And it goes something like this...

The Mailman's Ruse.
A couple of days ago a mailman knocked on our door, as they occasionally do, with a special delivery that required someone to sign for it. I opened the door and the postman extended his clipboard and pointed at the place I should sign. As I'm signing he says...

"It's for Daniel Do...."

And proceeded to trail off in the most unnatural way you can imagine. Honestly, it made him sound as if he were mentally ill. I, without thinking, glanced at him in a way that clearly showed my confusion and concern for his sanity. He quickly explained that he couldn't pronounce the name, to which I responded... "It's Doolan."

He smiles, nods and then explains that he didn't really have trouble pronouncing it. He just wanted to make sure I was who I was supposed to be. Now, honestly, in the moment I didn't see anything wrong with that statement. In the moment it seemed to be a perfectly logical thing to do. But a little later it dawns on me... did my postman just try to trick me? He did... he tried to catch me out... what an utterly pointless ruse.

Of course the package was going where it was supposed to... he was at my door... which is conveniantly located at the address on the package. And of course it was going to the right person... I live there, I answered the door. What did he honestly think I was, the worlds most idiotic criminal? Like I've broken into someones house and thought...

"Hang on, forget the TV and the Laptop... I'm gonna wait for the postman."

I realise I have clearly over-thought this... but I really do hope that one day he does catch someone out. Just because otherwise he has wasted alot of his own, and other peoples time.

Just a Thought 1
The other day I walked past a man who looked JUST like Captain Birdseye from the old Birdseye adverts. It was actually a little scary and I did genuinely consider asking him about the suspicious nature of that island full of children he used to have. But thought better of it once I remembered Captain Birdseye is fictional, and that accusing a stranger of potentially being a pedophile probably isn't the best idea. Especially someone with such a harrowing physical appearance.

Twitter Impaired.
Just a little advice to anyone with the ability to mobile tweet, if your phone has wifi or you have set up the twitter text service... don't ever take your phone on a night out. You are pretty much just going to come out of it looking like a fool.
A couple of weeks back I went out with some friends to Orange Rooms, a bar/club here in Bournemouth. Of course the night didn't start in Orange Rooms (Far from it) so I'm sure you can imagine that by the time I reached Orange Rooms I was pretty wasted. And all I remember thinking was that the DJ was a bit shit, I was having fun, but I wasn't particularly a fan of the music choices.

The next morning I awoke to discover I had tweeted my displeasure... multiple times and in alot stronger terms than I thought I did. To the point that it looked like I was having a pretty miserable night, and had some kind of problem with Orange Rooms, which just wasn't the case. I wasn't that bothered, but you wouldn't know that from the tweets, here they are in reverse order...

Not like you needed it, but here it is, more evidence to prove that mobile phones and alcohol are not a great combination. Weather it's drunken texts accidentally insulting or annoying friends or tweeting thoughts that make you look like some particularly pathetic creature who goes to clubs and stands in the middle of the dance floor determinedly not dancing in protest of the music. Of course the fact that I made a complete tit out of myself was embarrassing enough, but the next morning I was faced with this tweet... from Orange Rooms.

I have no intention of responding but I did feel quite bad about telling the world they had the shittest music in Bournemouth. Then I remembered that I only have a hundred followers and decided I didn't care.

Just a Thought 2
I think I buy FAR too many iPod/iPhone games. I realised I'd gone too far once I downloaded a game titled "Harry Potter: Spells". Of course I felt even more pathetic once the game sorted me into Hufflepuff house.

Creativity Is A Bitch.
Not so long ago I was trying to come up with an idea for a comedy sketch. And I will be completely honest with you here... it was torture. On this particular occasion I suddenly found myself completely idea-less, I literally spent hours and hours simply staring at a blank word document.

Eventually I decided that I just needed something to provoke my mind into action, get the ideas flowing. So I decided it would be a good idea to use a random word generator to help start the thought process. So I went to google, typed in "Random Word Generator" clicked on the first page and hit "Generate".

This is what it came back with...

(Click to make this larger.)

See? Even the internet had nothing. In the end I just gave up and waited for the idea to come naturally instead of trying to force it, the very thing I should of done from the beginning.

Just a Thought 3
Is it just me, or is the fact that
some words now have two meanings becoming a problem. I was on a train the other day and I witnessed a fantastic exchange between a Chav and whoever was on the other end of his phone, presumably another Chav. He seemed to be trying to explain to the person on the other end of the phone that he wasn't feeling well. Obviously I couldn't hear the other half of the conversation but here is what I heard.

"Man, I'm well sick... No, No, No, not like that. I mean I'm proper Ill... Nah mate, not like that, I mean I'm poorly."

What I love about this is that he had to explain himself twice. It took him three goes to finally a work to describe how he felt that wasn't also a slang term. Isn't that hilarious?

Maybe you had to be there. Anywho, I think it's time I put an end to this round of Bloglettes.

Thanks for reading.
-- Dan

PS: Yeah, I know I said the blog was going to be focusing on TV and Screenwriting now, but I couldn't resist.

PPS: And don't worry, the bloglettes will return in BLOGLETTES 4!

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