Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Bloglettes

Sometimes I find myself so void of decent ideas for a blog that I simply don’t bother wasting my time and yours writing one. Because the last thing the internet needs is more underdeveloped drivel from me. My message board posts supply enough of that.
This does mean that I might not always post consistently.
And that my friends is my chosen excuse for why I haven’t posted anything for a while. Shear lack of inspiration.

Another thing that becomes an issue when deciding what to write about in this blog is that even though I can have subject in mind, I find I struggled to pull enough coherent thoughts together to write an entire blog on the subject. So lots of little thoughts and bits and bobs go unwritten. So, this time I am going to be experimental and post a couple of Bloglettes. Yes, that’s right, I don’t care if it’s not a word, that’s what they are. So this blog will be a small collection of mini blogs.

Here we go.


This just in…

Don’t you just love this country? The way we react you would think that we have never seen snow before in our entire lives.

“There seems to be a strange white substance falling from the sky… EVERYONE RUN! FIND COVER!”

The fact that it has snowed has actually made news over here.
Is it just me or does that seem really pathetic?

“This just in, in case you’re a moron or haven’t looked out your window lately, it’s snowing. More updates on that as we get them. ”

20 minutes later.

“Just an update on our “Snow” story from earlier this evening. It’s still snowing.”

And the funny thing is, this entire country seems to have come to a halt and I can’t help but ask, why?
Some university’s closed their doors today, huge numbers of trains were cancelled, from what I hear the entire London underground came to a halt last night, 80/90% of shops closed their doors, entire department stores closed and people seem to be avoiding leaving their homes… I don’t understand.
I actually heard them advise that people stay indoors on the news, what the hell?
No other country in the world reacts to snow like this…

It’s just snow people. It’s not like it’s made from frozen acid particles and will burn or melt your flesh. It’s not like it’s irradiated snow that will turn us all into mutants.
It’s just frozen water particles. Why the hell is that some kind of problem?

I didn’t really have a point, just thought it was funny.


Snowballed by the Homeless

Speaking of pointless, snow and funny. I found myself (As the title suggests) being bombarded with snowballs earlier today.

I was simply checking my bank balance when a snowball crashed against my arm.
“No problem” I thought to myself.
“It’s just some chavs being dicks as usual.”

So imagine my shock when I turned round and noticed a homeless man stood on the other side of the street sporting a wide toothy grin on his face. He pulled back his arm and suddenly I had a face full of snow.
I spat out some snow and then turned to leave, being hit by a couple more before I rounded a corner.

I genuinely didn’t know what to do at the time, I mean, what were my options?
Throw one back and engage in a friendly snowball fight with the man?
Yell at him?
Laugh at the little skamp, and inform him that he had successfully “punk’ed” me?
Leave?

Obviously I went with the latter.
I guess the reasoning was that it seemed to be the most neutral of the options, the one that involved the least interaction with the situation (which is a very British thought process). So I lowered my head and left.
If I’m honest, at the time I couldn’t even decided if I was mad at him.
After a little contemplation I’ve realised I’m not mad. That would be a really shitty reaction. It was just a man with tragic circumstances trying to have some fun, and who am I to judge that? Not to mention that it was just snowballs and I really can’t claim that they did any damage to me or even inconvenienced me a little.

I hope he snowballs the hell out of everyone in Bournemouth.
And I hope he enjoys every second of it.


Dan Doolan
and the search for the slightly disappointing YouTube clip.

Last month I was looking around the Internet and read that the Saddam execution video had found it’s way on to Youtube. Now, I’m not a disturbed person or anything but I guess morbid curiosity kicked in. Combine that with the brilliant excuse of him being an evil twat, which I used to tell myself that watching the video was sort of OK in some weird and twisted way, and I couldn’t help myself.

So I began my search.
Which turned out to be more difficult than I thought as I was using youtube, the place where retards with cameras go to play. Thousands of videos of pathetic twats discussing the footage I was looking for clogged up the search, not to mention all the people who put up fake ones. My favorite of which being the one that started as the real video but then turned to footage of a stuffed animal perched on a chair with a rope round it neck. The chair was then kicked away and the poor stuffed animal was hung from a ceiling fan to the sound of a “YAY!”.

So, basically 90% of the videos there were everything BUT Saddams execution, so it actually became a little bit challenging to find the full video on the net. And I couldn't help but think, is there a point when you have searched a little too hard to see a video of a man being hung? I think so and I think I probably surpassed that point.

Anywho, twenty-odd RickRolls or so later I finally found the footage I was looking for. I braced myself for the worst and clicked play.
And you know what? There is really nothing to see… just some home video camera footage of a man falling out of frame. Not sure it was wroth the RickRolls, the hung stuffed animals or the time. God only knows what had really inspired me to find the footage in the first place and I’ll probably feel guilty forever in the knowledge that I was vaguely disappointed it wasn’t more graphic.

Also, is it weird than when finally I saw the video all I could think about was how poor the production values were? I mean, it’s an important moment in history; they could of splashed out for a studio and an audience or something. A little bit like the lottery, that’s got a full studio and no one gives a shit about that.
In fact, why not put the lotto in a basement with a home video camera and let the execution use the studio. I love the idea that the footage would have had pantomime style reactions from the audience to go along with it.
Saying that, they could of also made the footage better by setting it to the Benny Hill theme.


So, that wasn’t so hard was it?
What do we think then, bloglettes a good idea?
More in the future or do I return to my usual formula?
Send your thoughts to
dan@areyoustilltalking.net

As always thanks for reading! (I do realise it is painful for some of you)
-- Dan


PS: I don’t have anything clever or witty to add in my PS this week. Come back next week.


PPS: I hope you don't think any less of me after that Youtube story.


PPPS: Take a look at the search labels/tags for this post, that's a pretty random collection of words.
Snow, Homeless, Saddam, Youtube, Bloglettes.

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