Sunday, 7 December 2008

Sweet Revenge

Alright, I’ll admit it.
I’m a revenge guy.

And no, I’m not the good kind of revenge guy who bides his time and waits for that perfect moment when said revenge is sweet and appropriate.
No, I’m the giddy revenge guy who tries to get his revenge as soon as physically possible and finds himself taking it way too far.

Now, let me start by explaining that I live in one of a series of one-man flats with walls about as think as a sheet of paper. Everything I say can be heard in the next room so clearly that I might as well have my phone conversations with my girlfriend IN my neighbour’s room. But of course it’s not a huge problem, because everyone who lives here understands the situation and is mostly very quite for that reason.

I haven’t touched my Rock Band drums since I have moved here. I don’t have my TV or my stereo too loud, and I talk in a quiet-ish tone.

Now, on Friday night at about 6, I found myself trying to finish a Script Report for university when there seemed to be some kind of really loud gathering moving down the corridor. A large number of echoing and building voices were moving towards my room.

“Please go past! Please go past! Please go past!” I thought.

And they did, straight past my door and into the room RIGHT next to mine. The next half and hour consisted of me trying to work but failing due to the large number of people in the next room talking loudly and breaking my concentration. Now, I don’t know weather you have noticed this, but the more people involved in a conversation, the louder every individual gets. It’s starts at regular volume but eventually someone talks over you, and you increase your volume to allow the others to hear you over them. This process repeats until your conversation isn’t so much talking anymore, more like shouting.

And with all the noise coming from over the wall, I was unable to concentrate.

“That’s ok.” I thought.
“I will do something else till they all move on to the club or where ever it is they are going next. I’ll distract myself with Xbox live and get back to work later on.”

And I did. I played on my Xbox, headset on, mostly unable to hear the noise from next-door. At about 11’ o clock I stopped. Partly because I had work to do, and partly because someone on Xbox live would stop whining like a girl because I killed him one to many times.

I took off my headphones to discover to my horror that not only were the voices still their, but they were louder, greater in number and they had started to play music.

As they got louder I got more desperate, by 1 O' clock I gave up my attempt at doing work and decided I would go to bed and do it in the morning. But sleep wouldn’t come; I was in a surreal situation, lying in bed my eyes tight shut but hearing a party as clearly as if I had sleepwalked into the middle of it and curled up on the floor.

By 2 O’clock the singing started, loud chants and cheers came from the room.
By 3 O’clock the banging started, the seemed to have found a brilliantly amusing game of bang on the walls.
By 4 O’clock they opened the window, and the noise carried and doubled.

Finally I became furious with rage I jumped out of my bed, a demented look on my face and attacked the wall dividing the rooms. I punched and banged repeatedly on the wall as loud and as hard as I could several times.
The party fell into silence, and the music stopped.

“Success!” I thought.

But then came a deafening, roaring wave of laughter followed by the music starting up once again and the singing recommenced.

“Damn It”

By 5 O’clock two people had left the room and moved to the hall. A couple, a drunk arguing couple whose voices carried right through the crack in the bottom of my door. I contemplated going out there brandishing a large meat knife and screaming about noise in an attempt to scare everyone into shutting up. But logic kicked in.
The party would be over soon… and the person who actually lived there would be trying to get some sleep.

Demented and enraged revenge would be MINE.

And sure enough, at quarter past five the music stopped. By half past the last stragglers had said their good byes and the door opened and shut for the last time. Leaving I presumed, the flats actual occupant, all partied out and looking for a good sleep.

Well tough fucking luck, love.

I felt a sudden urge to play Rock Band, and the drums came out. But the loud rhythmic banging from the little fisher price style drum kit didn’t make nearly enough noise. I turned to my stereo and put on some heavy metal and turned it all the way up to 11, my speakers up against the wall, the wall I sheared with the enemy.

By 6 I had decided that throwing a bouncy ball at the wall between the rooms repeatedly in time to the death metal now raging from speakers was a good idea. “That would be a decent way to keep that fucker awake” I thought.

By 7 I was moshing out, jumping up and down, banging on the wall and shouting.

By 8 it was time for Knock-a-door-run.
I giddily knocked on her door and ran back into my room, unable to hear her answer over my loud music.

This went on, and on and on.

At 11 O’clock I was tired, I had done no work, and I was hungry. So I sat down to eat some cereal happy in the knowledge that despite not getting anything done, I had gotten sweet revenge.

I heard footsteps moving down the corridor, they stopped outside my neighbours door. But instead of knocking… the stranger inserted a key.

“No way…”

I jumped up and swung open my door to find my neighbour outside her room, trying to get in.
She hadn’t been there. She must of left with everyone else at 5:30.
It was all for nothing, my revenge had never been had.
My heart sank.

She noticed me and actually apologised for all the noise the night before, she said she would never let it happen again.

I felt even worse.

Tragically, I realised that in my moment of insanity I had really gone to far, I had overreacted. It was just a party after all; we have all done it. And it’s not like she was intentionally trying to keep me awake, and its not as if it has ever happened before or will happen again anytime soon.

I feel like I really learned something, I guess I’ll be thinking twice before taking revenge in future…

Unless it’s that bitch again.
Then she’s going down.

Anywho, thanks for reading.

-- Dan